Fundamentalism is such a complete and total fraud, it's hard to know where to begin. The very name is a lie. The fundamentals of scripture are found in the prophets and the gospels, which fundamentalists have always ignored.
They don't just cherry pick the bible. Everyone does that to some extent. Fundamentalists chop it to shreds. They use obscure passages to justify immature hatreds, #1, as the Confederacy did to excuse slavery, and as today's bigots do to legitimize their abuse of gay people. Even worse, they ignore the very basics of scripture, the bible's nonstop demands for justice for the oppressed and mercy for the poor. All of this while posing as solid traditionalists.
That's another big lie. Fundamentalists turned their backs on traditional churches centuries ago. The original Baptists, for example, had a rule they called soul competency, meaning that everyone had the right to interpret scripture for himself. It was an early step toward freeing people from elite domination, and one of the most underrated ideas in all of history. Southern Baptists left the church in order to keep their slaves. But they also dropped traditions of freedom like soul competency.
That was only the tip of the iceberg for American fundies. After moving across the Atlantic in colonial times, fundamentalists cut themselves off from enlightenment logic, centuries of bible study, and a tradition of self honest and repentance that is still one of the best ways of exploring the subconscious. Europe may have given up scripture's magical stories, but they internalized bible values. It's why European society is so humane while American culture is harsh and cruel and overrun with bullies. Without logic to interpret scripture, #2, and self honesty to guard against hypocrisy, fundamentalists quickly became heartless and ignorant blowhards. And despite their constant bragging, ignorance of scripture is still the very warp and woof of fundamentalism.
The shocking fact is that fundamentalists know almost nothing about the bible. That's been obvious for generations. It's just as clear today from a glance at their political agenda. Fundamentalists have been loyal republicans for decades, in open defiance of scripture, #3. They're all for prayer in the schools, #4,#5, and capital punishment, #6, but not so much for national healthcare, #7. They like lobster, #8, but hate queers, #9. They have no time for the oppressed, #10, and claim that God sends natural disasters to punish minorities, #11. They bear false witness just for sport, against political rivals, minorities, and anyone they don't particularly like that day, #12. That is ff the scale non Jewish and unchristian. Yet they still claim to represent Judeo Christian values. Please.
Far from being cherry picked, these passages are only a sprinkling of the endless verses throughout the bible making the same points over and over again. They are logically consistent with the Golden Rule and the Great Commandment. That's what it's all about: the Golden Rule and simple fairness. But fairness has never been simple for fundamentalists looking for excuses to bully the defenseless. Though few Christians can recite chapter and verse, the same rules and values are drilled into them before they know which way is up. They also have a toe hold in popular culture, where even fanatical atheists observe them without knowing it.
So how can fundamentalists not know the very basics of Christianity? And they obviously don't. If one of their agenda items could be chalked up as an oversight, the entire list can only be the work of a people who know zip about the bible, or who choose to ignore it.
The answer is simple. They don't know because they don't want to know. But that doesn't stop them from strutting around, beating their chests, and proclaiming to all and sundry that they are the real Christians while everyone else is either a devil or a fool, #13. It's laughable that these ignorant bullies, repeatedly condemned back in the day, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, should have the gall to lecture anyone about the bible.
But how have they gotten away with the fraud year after self serving, hypocritical year? The answer is that today's fundamentalists are prominently featured and stongly defended by the media. Fundamentalist skank values are useful to commercial interests. So long ago, commercial media swapped fundamentalism into the public square and Christianity out.
These days you couldn't find a Christian on the airwaves to save your life. Fundamentalists don't just have a privileged place on TV. They have the only place. The media go only to them for religious commentary. They appear regularly on prime time where they are shown mountains of respect. They have Sunday worship shows, their own news programs, even their own networks.
There is no way any of that will change so long as the public allow global communications to be controlled by commercial snake oil salesmen. One thing that should change, though, is the public's response. Whenever a fundamentalist opens his mouth on TV or anywhere else, it's well to remember that he knows nothing about the bible and has no business lecturing real Christians about scripture. It's long past time that fundamentalists were laughed off every stage.
#1 1Cor 13:11
...put away childish things.
#2 Is 1:18
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD
#3 Matt 23:24
… it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
#4 Matt 6:6
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father in secret.
#5 Matt 23:5
Everything they do is for show.
#6 Deut 32:35
Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.
#7 Matt 25:36
… I was sick and you took care of me.
#8 Lev 11:10-11
… and all that have not fins and scales in the seas… shall be an abomination unto you.
#9 Mic 6:8
What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?
#10 Matt 25:40
… whatever you did to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did to me.
#11 Deut 5:11
You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
#12 Ex 20:16
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
#13 Matt 23:23
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! ... you have neglected the more important matters of the law--justice, mercy and faithfulness.
#14 Matt 23:24
You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!
#15 Matt 7:5
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
#16 Matt 23:4
For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
#17 Matt 23:25
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish. But inside they are full of greed and self indulgence.
#18 Matt 21:12-13
Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Challenge Seattle, The Fight With San Francisco
Competition is just wrong. Can't we all just get along? And what about the loosers? Don't they deserve a million dollar prize just for playing? Of course they do, and thirty seven years of free therapy to get over the trauma of coming in second. That said, I was in San Francisco a while back, and I couldn't resist putting the towns at each other's throats.
Category.............................Winner
Hills....................................SF
Trees....................................Seattle. Please.
Rampant Bigotry.......................Seattle
Better Churches.........................SF, probably because Seattle is
............................................more secular and would rather
............................................spend money on town halls and whatnot.
Restaurants...............................SF
Overall Beauty............................Seattle
Charm.....................................SF
Housing...................................SF, because the Victorians barely
............................................edge out Seattle's colonials
............................................and bungalos.
Other Buildings..........................Seattle, because the temperatures
.........................................are more extreme and the buildings
.........................................of better make, with insulating materials
............................................like steel, glass, wood, brick and stone.
............................................The Bay Area is a pile of shacks thrown
............................................together with plaster, cardboard, and
............................................whore spit.
Standoffishness until you
get to know them after ten
years......................................Seattle
Standoffishness of clones
even after twenty years toward
anyone less than scorching
young and hot..........................SF.
Skyline...................................SF, because the bridges and pyramid
...........................................top the needle any day of the week.
Public Transit............................SF.
Bitchiness of handsome young
retail clerks............................SF. What I should have said to the
............................................retail queen on Castro: 'Listen sweetness.
............................................You may enjoy dishing with your no
............................................class friends, but showing contempt for
............................................people you don’t know is passe, not to
............................................mention uncalled for and déclassé, not to
............................................mention that you can’t know much about
............................................someone you just met and he or she
............................................might have his or her feelings hurt by
............................................your hick rudeness. Not that you would
............................................care, heartless bitch.' That might be
............................................a over the top. Maybe a raised eyebrow
............................................or snarky look would do as well.
Chinese Food..............................SF.
Mexican Food..............................SF. Please.
Lakes and Rivers..........................Seattle. Double please.
Size of Clams.............................Seattle
Sports Stadiums...........................Seattle. Although the Stick has been
............................................replaced by a less windy venue with
............................................a great view of the bay, Seattle has
............................................two new stadiums. Built against the
............................................popular vote, they’re typical Seattle,
............................................kick a-s modern and nicely geometrical.
Piercing..................................Seattle. The clinking, clanking tonnage
............................................of facial hardware in Seattle cannot be
............................................equaled by any city in America, if not
............................................the Universe.
Homeless..................................SF. Years of free food and shelter with
............................................no demands made on them has
............................................produced a homeless population of
............................................unexcelled agressiveness.
Gay Community Center......................SF. Puhlease. The house in
...........................................Seattle is a pathetic affair: two stories
...........................................with very few meeting rooms which are
...........................................reserved for profit making groups only.
............................................Community groups find space
............................................elsewhere. In SF, the gay center is a
............................................fabulous monument, four stories
............................................covering an entire block, newly built by
...........................................the architectural firm of R. Modern and
...........................................B. Functional. It has meeting rooms for
...........................................every community group known to man,
...........................................woman, or drag queen. During my visit,
...........................................there was a photographic display across
..........................................all four flights. It started with the Hippie
...........................................movement, continued with the history of
...........................................the Cockettes, Angels Of Light featuring
...........................................Sylvester, ended with Joni Mitchell,
...........................................David Crosby, Hunter Thompson, Jane
...........................................Fonda, the beat poets (with whom a
...........................................membership required good looks,
...........................................connections, and no talent), and
...........................................Timothy Leary. Now that's history.
Dog Ownership.............................Tied. Actually, this may go to
..........................................Seattle. Doggies are wholesome and
..........................................good for the Northwest cache.
Conscientiousness in scooping
After dog.................................Seattle, where, in addition to shovels
............................................and rakes and implements of
............................................destruction, they pack the
...........................................nuclear-powered, hydro steam-cleaning
...........................................apparatus with velveteen polisher.
Colorful People...........................SF. You can't argue with a woman
..........................................telling her daughter that either coming
..........................................or going she will have to walk uphill,
..........................................or with the forty year old drag queen
..........................................crossing Market Street in a green dress
...........................................and pink hair.
Speaking of colorful people, a certain Bevan Duffy was running for the Castro District supervisor seat. His platform, though, was distinctly tired, nothing at all like Harvey Milk’s would be if sweet Harvey were still alive. Would that he were. He'd kick a-s in every community group and probably start seminars and teach-ins and stuff to warn young people about the rising rates. Too bad. But this duffle person can’t be all bad. And I love that name. Bevan Duffy. It’s so kicky.
LA Joins The Fray.
Really, who cares whether SF or Seattle is better? They each have good points, and a provincialism too horrible to mention. The real fight is between Seattle and LA. Is a temporate rain forest a cultural item? Do freeways qualify as infrastructure if they look like parking lots for most of the day? Both crucial issues. And I am so the one to make the call.
After all, I spent a whole week in LA, in the dance clubs, Beverly Hills galleries, beaches and parks, museums and bath houses, I mean Swedish saunas with herbal therapy and non erotic massage only given by nuns in full habit. After that harrowing experience, I couldn't help comparing the cities.
Event....................Winner
Rain.......................Seattle. Please.
Coffee....................Tie. #1
Quality Of Life..........Seattle. #2
Quality Of Wife..........Beverly Hills. #3
Libraries.................Tie. #3.5
Trees......................Seattle. Please. #4
Chili Sauce...............LA. #5
Snobbery...................Tie. #6
Infrastructure...........Seattle. #7
Gay Community.............Tie. #8
Roads......................LA. #9
1 Although Seattle started the craze, LA now has a Starbucks every ten feet, a witness to Southern California’s pop-culture group-think. Or is it group-culture pop-think? I have no idea.
2 It should actually be a tie. Seattle has incredible flora, shining lakes, glimmering rivers, and snow capped mountains. But you have to stomach the rain ten months a year. LA has the sun, plus Aaaron Ekhart, both strong selling points.
3 The best that money can buy. Trophy wives are a new form of job compensation for TV actors and B movie writers, peroxided, silicon enhanced, rhinoplastied, and with facial expressions pulled tighter than a snare drum and deader from botox than Siegfried and Roy’s career.
3.5 Everywhere I go, I check out the libraries. It's a kink.
The Beverly Hills library is good. The selection is nice. And the clientele. Please. I'll never forget the bleach blond bimbo with roots out to there, in a turquoise shrink top and white boa trailing behind, yelling into a cell phone at a boyfreind who'd rather lie around drinking cheap vodka than go to a swap meet. People tried to shush her, so she complained to the vodka fan about how many rude people there are in this world.
On the other hand, the Bellevue library outside of Seattle is so very. It's completely gigantor, with cedar paneling up to the sky, clerestories looking every which way, and support beams like a day in the forest. The new Seattle library is even bigger, totally modern and functional, super geometrical, and built in the vernacular style I've grown to adore. Seattle wins this one, but there's no surprise. Though Beverly Hills has a ton of movie profits, they're mostly spent by uneducated industry types remodelling their houses in bad taste. Seattle has civic feeling a mile wide, and libraries are just the kind of public infrastructure they can so get behind.
4 Although the palm trees are nice, Seattle wins for superior tonnage. Plus the
great Northwest forests probably do a good part of the job of delaying climate change.
5 The real deal. The watery sauces in the Northwest are filled with sugar to pamper the bland Northwest palette.
6 Both places are noticeably lacking in snobism. After Minneapolis, Seattle is the American home of Scandinavian egalitarianism. And Beverly Hills literally swarms with movie industry types being careful not to offend anyone with a smidge of talent who could write the next mega script. On the other hand, industry players do tend to act superior about their million dollar deals, although if I had had anything to do with American Idol, I'd feel as superior as Jerry Fallwell in a thrift store negligee.
7 LA had a light rain one day, and the TV news gave complete coverage, managing to portray the event as a natural disaster. Traffic backed up, accidents multiplied, and the Valley flooded, as did the insides of elevators, parking garages, and public buildings. How pathetic. Everywhere roofs leaked and puddles formed ominously while the natives fled in terror. In Seattle, it's called a sunny day.
8 In the wisdom of Manhattan and San Francisco, both LA and Seattle are backwood holes. Both towns callously allow the cops to entrap and bear false witness against minorities. That's because both are filled with fundamentalists, who, despite their constant bragging, don't know jack about the bible. If LA has more and better gay celebrations, Seattle is quaint and has a gorgeous environment. If LA is shallow, Seattle is ignorant.
9 Forget it. The LA streets were built for the load. In Seattle, the streets were
designed by zenophobic contracters trying to discourage immigrants, out of State drivers, and anyone wanting to get somewhere before the next ice age.
Category.............................Winner
Hills....................................SF
Trees....................................Seattle. Please.
Rampant Bigotry.......................Seattle
Better Churches.........................SF, probably because Seattle is
............................................more secular and would rather
............................................spend money on town halls and whatnot.
Restaurants...............................SF
Overall Beauty............................Seattle
Charm.....................................SF
Housing...................................SF, because the Victorians barely
............................................edge out Seattle's colonials
............................................and bungalos.
Other Buildings..........................Seattle, because the temperatures
.........................................are more extreme and the buildings
.........................................of better make, with insulating materials
............................................like steel, glass, wood, brick and stone.
............................................The Bay Area is a pile of shacks thrown
............................................together with plaster, cardboard, and
............................................whore spit.
Standoffishness until you
get to know them after ten
years......................................Seattle
Standoffishness of clones
even after twenty years toward
anyone less than scorching
young and hot..........................SF.
Skyline...................................SF, because the bridges and pyramid
...........................................top the needle any day of the week.
Public Transit............................SF.
Bitchiness of handsome young
retail clerks............................SF. What I should have said to the
............................................retail queen on Castro: 'Listen sweetness.
............................................You may enjoy dishing with your no
............................................class friends, but showing contempt for
............................................people you don’t know is passe, not to
............................................mention uncalled for and déclassé, not to
............................................mention that you can’t know much about
............................................someone you just met and he or she
............................................might have his or her feelings hurt by
............................................your hick rudeness. Not that you would
............................................care, heartless bitch.' That might be
............................................a over the top. Maybe a raised eyebrow
............................................or snarky look would do as well.
Chinese Food..............................SF.
Mexican Food..............................SF. Please.
Lakes and Rivers..........................Seattle. Double please.
Size of Clams.............................Seattle
Sports Stadiums...........................Seattle. Although the Stick has been
............................................replaced by a less windy venue with
............................................a great view of the bay, Seattle has
............................................two new stadiums. Built against the
............................................popular vote, they’re typical Seattle,
............................................kick a-s modern and nicely geometrical.
Piercing..................................Seattle. The clinking, clanking tonnage
............................................of facial hardware in Seattle cannot be
............................................equaled by any city in America, if not
............................................the Universe.
Homeless..................................SF. Years of free food and shelter with
............................................no demands made on them has
............................................produced a homeless population of
............................................unexcelled agressiveness.
Gay Community Center......................SF. Puhlease. The house in
...........................................Seattle is a pathetic affair: two stories
...........................................with very few meeting rooms which are
...........................................reserved for profit making groups only.
............................................Community groups find space
............................................elsewhere. In SF, the gay center is a
............................................fabulous monument, four stories
............................................covering an entire block, newly built by
...........................................the architectural firm of R. Modern and
...........................................B. Functional. It has meeting rooms for
...........................................every community group known to man,
...........................................woman, or drag queen. During my visit,
...........................................there was a photographic display across
..........................................all four flights. It started with the Hippie
...........................................movement, continued with the history of
...........................................the Cockettes, Angels Of Light featuring
...........................................Sylvester, ended with Joni Mitchell,
...........................................David Crosby, Hunter Thompson, Jane
...........................................Fonda, the beat poets (with whom a
...........................................membership required good looks,
...........................................connections, and no talent), and
...........................................Timothy Leary. Now that's history.
Dog Ownership.............................Tied. Actually, this may go to
..........................................Seattle. Doggies are wholesome and
..........................................good for the Northwest cache.
Conscientiousness in scooping
After dog.................................Seattle, where, in addition to shovels
............................................and rakes and implements of
............................................destruction, they pack the
...........................................nuclear-powered, hydro steam-cleaning
...........................................apparatus with velveteen polisher.
Colorful People...........................SF. You can't argue with a woman
..........................................telling her daughter that either coming
..........................................or going she will have to walk uphill,
..........................................or with the forty year old drag queen
..........................................crossing Market Street in a green dress
...........................................and pink hair.
Speaking of colorful people, a certain Bevan Duffy was running for the Castro District supervisor seat. His platform, though, was distinctly tired, nothing at all like Harvey Milk’s would be if sweet Harvey were still alive. Would that he were. He'd kick a-s in every community group and probably start seminars and teach-ins and stuff to warn young people about the rising rates. Too bad. But this duffle person can’t be all bad. And I love that name. Bevan Duffy. It’s so kicky.
LA Joins The Fray.
Really, who cares whether SF or Seattle is better? They each have good points, and a provincialism too horrible to mention. The real fight is between Seattle and LA. Is a temporate rain forest a cultural item? Do freeways qualify as infrastructure if they look like parking lots for most of the day? Both crucial issues. And I am so the one to make the call.
After all, I spent a whole week in LA, in the dance clubs, Beverly Hills galleries, beaches and parks, museums and bath houses, I mean Swedish saunas with herbal therapy and non erotic massage only given by nuns in full habit. After that harrowing experience, I couldn't help comparing the cities.
Event....................Winner
Rain.......................Seattle. Please.
Coffee....................Tie. #1
Quality Of Life..........Seattle. #2
Quality Of Wife..........Beverly Hills. #3
Libraries.................Tie. #3.5
Trees......................Seattle. Please. #4
Chili Sauce...............LA. #5
Snobbery...................Tie. #6
Infrastructure...........Seattle. #7
Gay Community.............Tie. #8
Roads......................LA. #9
1 Although Seattle started the craze, LA now has a Starbucks every ten feet, a witness to Southern California’s pop-culture group-think. Or is it group-culture pop-think? I have no idea.
2 It should actually be a tie. Seattle has incredible flora, shining lakes, glimmering rivers, and snow capped mountains. But you have to stomach the rain ten months a year. LA has the sun, plus Aaaron Ekhart, both strong selling points.
3 The best that money can buy. Trophy wives are a new form of job compensation for TV actors and B movie writers, peroxided, silicon enhanced, rhinoplastied, and with facial expressions pulled tighter than a snare drum and deader from botox than Siegfried and Roy’s career.
3.5 Everywhere I go, I check out the libraries. It's a kink.
The Beverly Hills library is good. The selection is nice. And the clientele. Please. I'll never forget the bleach blond bimbo with roots out to there, in a turquoise shrink top and white boa trailing behind, yelling into a cell phone at a boyfreind who'd rather lie around drinking cheap vodka than go to a swap meet. People tried to shush her, so she complained to the vodka fan about how many rude people there are in this world.
On the other hand, the Bellevue library outside of Seattle is so very. It's completely gigantor, with cedar paneling up to the sky, clerestories looking every which way, and support beams like a day in the forest. The new Seattle library is even bigger, totally modern and functional, super geometrical, and built in the vernacular style I've grown to adore. Seattle wins this one, but there's no surprise. Though Beverly Hills has a ton of movie profits, they're mostly spent by uneducated industry types remodelling their houses in bad taste. Seattle has civic feeling a mile wide, and libraries are just the kind of public infrastructure they can so get behind.
4 Although the palm trees are nice, Seattle wins for superior tonnage. Plus the
great Northwest forests probably do a good part of the job of delaying climate change.
5 The real deal. The watery sauces in the Northwest are filled with sugar to pamper the bland Northwest palette.
6 Both places are noticeably lacking in snobism. After Minneapolis, Seattle is the American home of Scandinavian egalitarianism. And Beverly Hills literally swarms with movie industry types being careful not to offend anyone with a smidge of talent who could write the next mega script. On the other hand, industry players do tend to act superior about their million dollar deals, although if I had had anything to do with American Idol, I'd feel as superior as Jerry Fallwell in a thrift store negligee.
7 LA had a light rain one day, and the TV news gave complete coverage, managing to portray the event as a natural disaster. Traffic backed up, accidents multiplied, and the Valley flooded, as did the insides of elevators, parking garages, and public buildings. How pathetic. Everywhere roofs leaked and puddles formed ominously while the natives fled in terror. In Seattle, it's called a sunny day.
8 In the wisdom of Manhattan and San Francisco, both LA and Seattle are backwood holes. Both towns callously allow the cops to entrap and bear false witness against minorities. That's because both are filled with fundamentalists, who, despite their constant bragging, don't know jack about the bible. If LA has more and better gay celebrations, Seattle is quaint and has a gorgeous environment. If LA is shallow, Seattle is ignorant.
9 Forget it. The LA streets were built for the load. In Seattle, the streets were
designed by zenophobic contracters trying to discourage immigrants, out of State drivers, and anyone wanting to get somewhere before the next ice age.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Mr. Ken Makes An Appearance
A work buddy stopped by yesterday complaining about his step daughter and her husband. They moved into his basement apartment and are demanding massive improvements in seconds flat. The ingrates are driving him to the poor house, not to mention the bin.
So of course I'll come to the rescue. I’ll show up as Mr. Ken, the hottest interior designer this side of *Hairball. His plan will be minimalist all the way, and the expense will be gone like a chocolate cake on Rosanne's desk. The work buddy will go back to spending weekends at his island cottage, while the newlyweds are scrubbing diapers and learning the value of a dollar.
My getup will be extensive: a monocle, koolots, and a feather boa. Of course I’ll be totally convincing. The act will have them groveling on the floor before you can say ‘Sand this to a satiny finish and cover with shellac.'
To wit:
'No, no, NO! This will never do. We must be bold. Make a statement. Call in the Marines. I’m thinking pseudo retro organic with a touch of marauding horde. For the walls, tear up these cardboard boxes, dear, and use a stapler. The floor? Bring in the lawn clippings from out back. They must be strewn, strewn most casually I say, for that ‘don’t know and don’t care, modern life is too speculative’ look. Don’t worry. They’ll dry in a day or so. Open a window. And put on a sweater, or three. For the bed, you don’t even want one. The concrete floor will do nicely. I hear it's good for the spine. Maybe a blanket to take the edge off.
If this sounds too draconian, tough. Spoiled heteros need discipline. I just hope I can carry it off. My reputation as a designer may be nonexistent, but my nelly credentials are beyond reproach. Please do not question the artiste.
*Cedro Wooley, Washington
So of course I'll come to the rescue. I’ll show up as Mr. Ken, the hottest interior designer this side of *Hairball. His plan will be minimalist all the way, and the expense will be gone like a chocolate cake on Rosanne's desk. The work buddy will go back to spending weekends at his island cottage, while the newlyweds are scrubbing diapers and learning the value of a dollar.
My getup will be extensive: a monocle, koolots, and a feather boa. Of course I’ll be totally convincing. The act will have them groveling on the floor before you can say ‘Sand this to a satiny finish and cover with shellac.'
To wit:
'No, no, NO! This will never do. We must be bold. Make a statement. Call in the Marines. I’m thinking pseudo retro organic with a touch of marauding horde. For the walls, tear up these cardboard boxes, dear, and use a stapler. The floor? Bring in the lawn clippings from out back. They must be strewn, strewn most casually I say, for that ‘don’t know and don’t care, modern life is too speculative’ look. Don’t worry. They’ll dry in a day or so. Open a window. And put on a sweater, or three. For the bed, you don’t even want one. The concrete floor will do nicely. I hear it's good for the spine. Maybe a blanket to take the edge off.
If this sounds too draconian, tough. Spoiled heteros need discipline. I just hope I can carry it off. My reputation as a designer may be nonexistent, but my nelly credentials are beyond reproach. Please do not question the artiste.
*Cedro Wooley, Washington
Monday, October 12, 2009
The March On Washington - October 11, 2009
I was wrong for having said it was a bad idea. Being a dinosaur from the disco era, I thought people would turn it into a party, a PR nightmare with leather pigs in full harness, begging for the strap in front of network cameras.
Instead it was well organized. People were neat and tidy. The rainbow signs were tasteful and obviously approved by committee. And the speeches were strictly coordinated. No one repeated what anyone else had said, and the issues, nicely understated, were made briefly, forcefully, and sometimes quite charmingly. It was also smart to hold it in DC instead of Salt Lake. That made it easy for the New York crowd to make an appearance while minimizing the Utah Hate Committee. All in all, a job well done.
Now I would never stoop to bitchy queeny hatchet jobs, or to criticizing every detail down to Michael Huffington's loud tie. No. Absolutely not. I will not do it.
That said, Applebaum is dreaming if he thinks his coming out was an act of courage. Honey, people knew already. The neatly pressed overalls weren't fooling anyone. Also, Staceyann, dear, we loved the words. But you're a tad strident. Tone it down a few thousand decibels. And Huffington showed the usual republican bad taste. 'An historical?' How pretentious. It's pronounced 'a historical.' 'H' is a consonant, sweetness. Consonants are preceded by an 'a.' And please. That right wing dodge of pretending to be bisexual is getting so tired. He's probably a screaming bottom begging for the strap. Doesn't he know that conservatives don't carea lick that he slipped it to a woman in the early eighties? They're just grossed out that he sucks c—k. Still, I do wonder if the kids he mentioned are Arianna's.
It was a total coup to have Julian Bond, the Prez of NAACP. He's such an educated guy. And it's wonderful that he was put in charge instead of some dingbat Southern preacher. What an elegant man he truely is. His telling the crowd they were the best looking he'd ever seen was a charming pander. Knowing that queens are vain, he teased them about it. He also brought the preacher's touch, saying that good things come not to those who wait but to those who agitate. Sweet. And he recognized that our guy, Bayard Rustin, organized the first march on Washington back in the day. He didn't just admit that homophobia is coming from the black churches. Quoting the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. himself, he called his own community stupid and ignorant on the issue. You could have knocked me down with a feather. If only we could be as honest with our community and stop making excuses for our self destructiveness.
Kate Clinton was there, the fabulous comedian. And the one liners just keep on coming. Her stuff is good enough to be aphorisms. She's like a modern day Oscar Wild, and it's nice to see a lesbian carry on a gay male tradition.
She introduced her partner, Urvasi Vaid. I always enjoy it when two smart and kind people have the sex thing going on. They remind me of those other do gooders, Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter, except that Kate probably knows her way around a strap on.
Urvashi is my very favorite gay activist in the Universe. For her, I would shave my chest and wear stone washed jeans. The girl is phenomenal. She may not speak in pop clichés like other celebrities. But her vision is so fair and clear and precise, it takes your breath right away. She wants the queer agenda to include healthcare and labor rights and the environment. I could not agree more.
There was a guy named Tanner without much to say, but with a deep, forceful man voice. And who can't spare a minute for the deep, forceful man voice?
The guy who wrote the Milk screenplay was there telling us to free ourselves from shame and self doubt. The point is well taken, although he should have called internalized homophobia by its proper name. That places the blame where it belongs, on the bitch homophobes who crushed us as children. It also puts the responsibility on us for healing ourselves. Really though. The message was good, and the screenplay was not too shabby. I cried most of the way through, mostly because I was in town during that history. But where does this bare backer get the nerve to tell the world his love is beautiful and true? Like most celebrities, he's probably surrounded by ass kissers and thinks he can say anything without being called out. And of course, he won't be called out. Even after thirty years, the community has not faced up to their sexual irresponsibility.
A guy named Bruce was there. He's the executive who dumped a hundred thou on the march, which he just happened to mention after three seconds at the mike. Big whoop. He wants us to face down the homophobes at work. He probably has millions and doesn't need to worry about getting fired or harrassed, or loosing his healthcare. It's the same nut job, unrealistic approach that queer activists have been pushing for thirty years.
And speaking of activists, the march organizer, Cleve Jones, also said a few words. After taking a moment to promote his organization, he told the country that we're done waiting and won't compromise another inch. We demand the full package right now. He took another minute for yet another swipe at Bill Clinton for DADT. Please. That is so fifteen minutes ago. After fifteen years, he still hasn't bothered to read the polls, or figured out that the political environment in the nineties was a tad unfriendly.
And speaking of nut job approaches, issuing orders to the American public is laughable. They'll roll off the body politic like water off a duck. This is why many gay activists so get on my nerves. They alternate between a self righteous dream world and a victim complex funk. Our political success would stop them from feeling sorry for themselves and acting all superior, which is why they give us an endless stream of failed strategy.
News flash. The public are on our side on a few issues. And they would probably like us a lot more if we stopped shooting ourselves in the foots every ten minutes. But they're busy just now. They're worried out the ass about loosing their jobs and mortgages. They don't have time to pressure Washington on gay rights. The politicians, meanwhile, are trying to put through healthcare and create millions of jobs. They don't have the brain power to write finely worded laws granting us perfect, Universal rights starting the day before yesterday.
So yeah. The march was nicely done. The speeches were inspiring. And hearing Let The Sun Shine In by the Broadway cast of Hair totally kicked ass. I cried. But the entire production probably won't do much good. Our enemies aren't going to roll over just because Lady Gaga said a few words. Nobody cares about her pledge not to allow homophobia in her next mind numbingly shallow hit.
Just as before, we'll have to struggle over every point. We should adjust our strategy according to the polls. Building coalitions over common issues like healthcare wouldn't hurt. And we could rethink stupid fights over marriage in rube California, and thousand dollars a head parites with rainbow flags and lectures. After years of failures, the victim complex crowd and self righteous hallucinators should not be calling the moves. Instead, we should pick fights we can actually win. Some easy wins in the States on domestic partnership would get the public used to the idea, giving us momentum, so that full marraige rights would follow like Rosanne after a pastry truck. And military rights would be great pr. When people have seen us server openly in the army, they'll be more willing to grant us other rights.
But that would need a mature outlook. And the queer majority are still emotional twenty year oldes who've transformed homophobia into their own brands of bigotry. They don't choose winning strategy, freinds with character, or leaders with brains. They want endless losses in order to feel sorry for themselves, and freinds with looks and muscles no matter how heartless and ignorant. They make nonstop excuses for the bare backers. And their leaders are emotionally challenged dingbats chosen for their looks, or because they are members of various subcultures, or because their parents were in the business, or because they knew Harvey. Please. Until the mainstream grow up and heal themselves of internalized homophobia, we'll be loosing battles like Rosanne at the Oscars.
Instead it was well organized. People were neat and tidy. The rainbow signs were tasteful and obviously approved by committee. And the speeches were strictly coordinated. No one repeated what anyone else had said, and the issues, nicely understated, were made briefly, forcefully, and sometimes quite charmingly. It was also smart to hold it in DC instead of Salt Lake. That made it easy for the New York crowd to make an appearance while minimizing the Utah Hate Committee. All in all, a job well done.
Now I would never stoop to bitchy queeny hatchet jobs, or to criticizing every detail down to Michael Huffington's loud tie. No. Absolutely not. I will not do it.
That said, Applebaum is dreaming if he thinks his coming out was an act of courage. Honey, people knew already. The neatly pressed overalls weren't fooling anyone. Also, Staceyann, dear, we loved the words. But you're a tad strident. Tone it down a few thousand decibels. And Huffington showed the usual republican bad taste. 'An historical?' How pretentious. It's pronounced 'a historical.' 'H' is a consonant, sweetness. Consonants are preceded by an 'a.' And please. That right wing dodge of pretending to be bisexual is getting so tired. He's probably a screaming bottom begging for the strap. Doesn't he know that conservatives don't carea lick that he slipped it to a woman in the early eighties? They're just grossed out that he sucks c—k. Still, I do wonder if the kids he mentioned are Arianna's.
It was a total coup to have Julian Bond, the Prez of NAACP. He's such an educated guy. And it's wonderful that he was put in charge instead of some dingbat Southern preacher. What an elegant man he truely is. His telling the crowd they were the best looking he'd ever seen was a charming pander. Knowing that queens are vain, he teased them about it. He also brought the preacher's touch, saying that good things come not to those who wait but to those who agitate. Sweet. And he recognized that our guy, Bayard Rustin, organized the first march on Washington back in the day. He didn't just admit that homophobia is coming from the black churches. Quoting the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. himself, he called his own community stupid and ignorant on the issue. You could have knocked me down with a feather. If only we could be as honest with our community and stop making excuses for our self destructiveness.
Kate Clinton was there, the fabulous comedian. And the one liners just keep on coming. Her stuff is good enough to be aphorisms. She's like a modern day Oscar Wild, and it's nice to see a lesbian carry on a gay male tradition.
She introduced her partner, Urvasi Vaid. I always enjoy it when two smart and kind people have the sex thing going on. They remind me of those other do gooders, Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter, except that Kate probably knows her way around a strap on.
Urvashi is my very favorite gay activist in the Universe. For her, I would shave my chest and wear stone washed jeans. The girl is phenomenal. She may not speak in pop clichés like other celebrities. But her vision is so fair and clear and precise, it takes your breath right away. She wants the queer agenda to include healthcare and labor rights and the environment. I could not agree more.
There was a guy named Tanner without much to say, but with a deep, forceful man voice. And who can't spare a minute for the deep, forceful man voice?
The guy who wrote the Milk screenplay was there telling us to free ourselves from shame and self doubt. The point is well taken, although he should have called internalized homophobia by its proper name. That places the blame where it belongs, on the bitch homophobes who crushed us as children. It also puts the responsibility on us for healing ourselves. Really though. The message was good, and the screenplay was not too shabby. I cried most of the way through, mostly because I was in town during that history. But where does this bare backer get the nerve to tell the world his love is beautiful and true? Like most celebrities, he's probably surrounded by ass kissers and thinks he can say anything without being called out. And of course, he won't be called out. Even after thirty years, the community has not faced up to their sexual irresponsibility.
A guy named Bruce was there. He's the executive who dumped a hundred thou on the march, which he just happened to mention after three seconds at the mike. Big whoop. He wants us to face down the homophobes at work. He probably has millions and doesn't need to worry about getting fired or harrassed, or loosing his healthcare. It's the same nut job, unrealistic approach that queer activists have been pushing for thirty years.
And speaking of activists, the march organizer, Cleve Jones, also said a few words. After taking a moment to promote his organization, he told the country that we're done waiting and won't compromise another inch. We demand the full package right now. He took another minute for yet another swipe at Bill Clinton for DADT. Please. That is so fifteen minutes ago. After fifteen years, he still hasn't bothered to read the polls, or figured out that the political environment in the nineties was a tad unfriendly.
And speaking of nut job approaches, issuing orders to the American public is laughable. They'll roll off the body politic like water off a duck. This is why many gay activists so get on my nerves. They alternate between a self righteous dream world and a victim complex funk. Our political success would stop them from feeling sorry for themselves and acting all superior, which is why they give us an endless stream of failed strategy.
News flash. The public are on our side on a few issues. And they would probably like us a lot more if we stopped shooting ourselves in the foots every ten minutes. But they're busy just now. They're worried out the ass about loosing their jobs and mortgages. They don't have time to pressure Washington on gay rights. The politicians, meanwhile, are trying to put through healthcare and create millions of jobs. They don't have the brain power to write finely worded laws granting us perfect, Universal rights starting the day before yesterday.
So yeah. The march was nicely done. The speeches were inspiring. And hearing Let The Sun Shine In by the Broadway cast of Hair totally kicked ass. I cried. But the entire production probably won't do much good. Our enemies aren't going to roll over just because Lady Gaga said a few words. Nobody cares about her pledge not to allow homophobia in her next mind numbingly shallow hit.
Just as before, we'll have to struggle over every point. We should adjust our strategy according to the polls. Building coalitions over common issues like healthcare wouldn't hurt. And we could rethink stupid fights over marriage in rube California, and thousand dollars a head parites with rainbow flags and lectures. After years of failures, the victim complex crowd and self righteous hallucinators should not be calling the moves. Instead, we should pick fights we can actually win. Some easy wins in the States on domestic partnership would get the public used to the idea, giving us momentum, so that full marraige rights would follow like Rosanne after a pastry truck. And military rights would be great pr. When people have seen us server openly in the army, they'll be more willing to grant us other rights.
But that would need a mature outlook. And the queer majority are still emotional twenty year oldes who've transformed homophobia into their own brands of bigotry. They don't choose winning strategy, freinds with character, or leaders with brains. They want endless losses in order to feel sorry for themselves, and freinds with looks and muscles no matter how heartless and ignorant. They make nonstop excuses for the bare backers. And their leaders are emotionally challenged dingbats chosen for their looks, or because they are members of various subcultures, or because their parents were in the business, or because they knew Harvey. Please. Until the mainstream grow up and heal themselves of internalized homophobia, we'll be loosing battles like Rosanne at the Oscars.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Best Guitarists
Unconcerned as usual with the queer perspective, Rolling Stone has a list of the top one hundred guitarists. And their picks are not so bad. But really, one hundred guitarists? That’s more than I could do in a week. And exactly what would be the scale for separating seventy three from seventy four? The list definitely needs work, if not a complete facial reconstruction with boob job. Here’s a taste:
Rolling Stone
1 Jimi Hendrix
2 Duane Allman of the Allman Brothers Band
3 B.B. King
4 Eric Clapton
5 Robert Johnson
6 Chuck Berry
7 Stevie Ray Vaughan
8 Ry Cooder
9 Jimmy Page of Led Zepplin
10 Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones
11 Kirk Hammett of Metallica
12 Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
13 Gerry Garcia of the Greatful Dead
14 Jeff Beck
First off, do we really need to be told who Duane Allman, Gerry Garcia, Jimmy Page, and Keith Richards are? It’s like explaining chocolate cake to Rosanne. Believe you me, she knows what that is, as the carpet gouges between her TV room and kitchen attest.
And who died and made Jimi Hendrix King? Oh yeah. He did. Sorry about that.
But really, Ry Cooder? And Kurt Cobain? Please. That was an obvious suck up to the slacker generation, who should try something less formulaic. One might also ask where Carlos is. It just goes to show. Don’t send a marketing committee with delusions of grandeur to do a queer with unresolved adolescent issues' job. Here then is the proper list.
1 Buddy Guy
2 Carlos Santana
3 Duane Allman
4 Johnny Winter
5 B.B. King
6 Johnny Ramone
7 Robin Trower
8 Eric Clapton
9 Son Seals
10 Jimmy Hendrix
11 Brian May
12 Peter Green
13 Angus Young
14 Steve Hunter
14 Warren Haynes
15 Buck Dharma
16 Steve Howe
17 Eddie Van Halen
18 Dickie Betts
Carlos, Duane, and B.B. need no explanation, except to say that they’ve made the most beautiful tones in all the history of the world of sounds. Hearing a single note from any of the three is enough to know exactly who is playing. And what poor Duane did with a slide guitar was nothing short of poetry mixed with a healthy dose of lazy Springtime lounging under a tree while the leaves flutter and colored birdies dart and sing.
Many readers won’t know who the others are. They represent a taste for blues guitar, as well as for hard, fast rock. Dharma of Blue Oyster Cult was the fastest. On Lou Reed’s album, Rock And Roll Animal, Hunter was the cleanest, meaning that every note was distinct and nothing ran together into a blurry mess like third grade finger painting. Montrose was fast. Ramone was very fast, and just happened to invent an entire genre, for which he never got the credit. If there were any justice in this world, Green Day would have mentioned the Ramones at the Grammys. But they did not. Hendrix also invented a wonderful new form, while Trower took it to another level. And the blues greats need no groveling introductions from this unworthy correspondent.
This is only a start, a stop gap measure, if you will, until middle-aged queer commentary is broadcast from every studio in the land, and popular tastes have been raised at least to the level of a Haight Ashbury bar fly. When that day comes, the music industry will shine like a diamond held between the butt cheeks of Christ Novoselic. And it might be sooner than you think. Media reform may not be a top priority now, but wait until Arnold has done his three hundredth action film in a walker and oxygen tent. The halls of ABC will tremble at the approaching mob demanding that Kennedy be retired from MTV and gay punk be featured nightly on public television.
Rolling Stone
1 Jimi Hendrix
2 Duane Allman of the Allman Brothers Band
3 B.B. King
4 Eric Clapton
5 Robert Johnson
6 Chuck Berry
7 Stevie Ray Vaughan
8 Ry Cooder
9 Jimmy Page of Led Zepplin
10 Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones
11 Kirk Hammett of Metallica
12 Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
13 Gerry Garcia of the Greatful Dead
14 Jeff Beck
First off, do we really need to be told who Duane Allman, Gerry Garcia, Jimmy Page, and Keith Richards are? It’s like explaining chocolate cake to Rosanne. Believe you me, she knows what that is, as the carpet gouges between her TV room and kitchen attest.
And who died and made Jimi Hendrix King? Oh yeah. He did. Sorry about that.
But really, Ry Cooder? And Kurt Cobain? Please. That was an obvious suck up to the slacker generation, who should try something less formulaic. One might also ask where Carlos is. It just goes to show. Don’t send a marketing committee with delusions of grandeur to do a queer with unresolved adolescent issues' job. Here then is the proper list.
1 Buddy Guy
2 Carlos Santana
3 Duane Allman
4 Johnny Winter
5 B.B. King
6 Johnny Ramone
7 Robin Trower
8 Eric Clapton
9 Son Seals
10 Jimmy Hendrix
11 Brian May
12 Peter Green
13 Angus Young
14 Steve Hunter
14 Warren Haynes
15 Buck Dharma
16 Steve Howe
17 Eddie Van Halen
18 Dickie Betts
Carlos, Duane, and B.B. need no explanation, except to say that they’ve made the most beautiful tones in all the history of the world of sounds. Hearing a single note from any of the three is enough to know exactly who is playing. And what poor Duane did with a slide guitar was nothing short of poetry mixed with a healthy dose of lazy Springtime lounging under a tree while the leaves flutter and colored birdies dart and sing.
Many readers won’t know who the others are. They represent a taste for blues guitar, as well as for hard, fast rock. Dharma of Blue Oyster Cult was the fastest. On Lou Reed’s album, Rock And Roll Animal, Hunter was the cleanest, meaning that every note was distinct and nothing ran together into a blurry mess like third grade finger painting. Montrose was fast. Ramone was very fast, and just happened to invent an entire genre, for which he never got the credit. If there were any justice in this world, Green Day would have mentioned the Ramones at the Grammys. But they did not. Hendrix also invented a wonderful new form, while Trower took it to another level. And the blues greats need no groveling introductions from this unworthy correspondent.
This is only a start, a stop gap measure, if you will, until middle-aged queer commentary is broadcast from every studio in the land, and popular tastes have been raised at least to the level of a Haight Ashbury bar fly. When that day comes, the music industry will shine like a diamond held between the butt cheeks of Christ Novoselic. And it might be sooner than you think. Media reform may not be a top priority now, but wait until Arnold has done his three hundredth action film in a walker and oxygen tent. The halls of ABC will tremble at the approaching mob demanding that Kennedy be retired from MTV and gay punk be featured nightly on public television.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Fight for Health Care
Now is the time. The town hall meeting on health care is tonight. If ever there was a civic duty, this is it. But it could be slightly dodgey. Hired goons from the industry could be there, and who knows how they'll react to the kind of placards I have. So far, I've got these.
------------------------------------------
Welcome to the 20th Century
Single Payer
------------------------------------------
I was sick and you took care
of me. Matt 25:36.
Single Payer
------------------------------------------
Heartless Profiteers, Stop
Bribing The Congress.
Single Payer
------------------------------------------
Single Payer
Industry Goons Back Off.
------------------------------------------
Excuse me, genetic mutations who
enjoy watching people suffer.
Single Payer is a moral imperative.
------------------------------------------
That last one could get me into trouble. Maybe I'd better lay off. But I'm bringing the rest. And let the chips fall where they may.
After the ball:
This being Seattle, the crowd could not have been more on track. And there were no goons, except for the dingbats outside with slack jaws and very dumb signs.
The Seattle congressman, what's his face, gave a talk. I had wanted him to retire and make room for someone younger and hotter. But there's a lot to be said for age and experience. There's actually a ton to be said for it.
What's his name spoke very well indeed. First he explained why we're finally making progress. Seems that business and the doctors have come on board. CEOs know they can't compete internationally with the current healthcare system, and doctors are getting screwed by insurance companies. The problem is that those g-d d--m mother fu--k---g insurance companies and drug companies are fighting all out. They know this could be the end for them.
Even worse, he says, there's nothing ordinary people can do to help. But I've thought of something. If the fundys could be convinced, they'd be powerful allies. Of course the queer community would lay an egg at the very idea. But this is too important for grudges.
Bringing fundies on board would be a piece of cake, except they don't know jack about scripture. So I'll figure out a way to flood that quote from Matthew all over the place. It might have no effect, because fundies ignore everything decent. Still, I'm gonna try.
------------------------------------------
Welcome to the 20th Century
Single Payer
------------------------------------------
I was sick and you took care
of me. Matt 25:36.
Single Payer
------------------------------------------
Heartless Profiteers, Stop
Bribing The Congress.
Single Payer
------------------------------------------
Single Payer
Industry Goons Back Off.
------------------------------------------
Excuse me, genetic mutations who
enjoy watching people suffer.
Single Payer is a moral imperative.
------------------------------------------
That last one could get me into trouble. Maybe I'd better lay off. But I'm bringing the rest. And let the chips fall where they may.
After the ball:
This being Seattle, the crowd could not have been more on track. And there were no goons, except for the dingbats outside with slack jaws and very dumb signs.
The Seattle congressman, what's his face, gave a talk. I had wanted him to retire and make room for someone younger and hotter. But there's a lot to be said for age and experience. There's actually a ton to be said for it.
What's his name spoke very well indeed. First he explained why we're finally making progress. Seems that business and the doctors have come on board. CEOs know they can't compete internationally with the current healthcare system, and doctors are getting screwed by insurance companies. The problem is that those g-d d--m mother fu--k---g insurance companies and drug companies are fighting all out. They know this could be the end for them.
Even worse, he says, there's nothing ordinary people can do to help. But I've thought of something. If the fundys could be convinced, they'd be powerful allies. Of course the queer community would lay an egg at the very idea. But this is too important for grudges.
Bringing fundies on board would be a piece of cake, except they don't know jack about scripture. So I'll figure out a way to flood that quote from Matthew all over the place. It might have no effect, because fundies ignore everything decent. Still, I'm gonna try.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Gay Agenda
Contrary to fundamentalist nightmares, the gay agenda is a tired affair. Gay priorities are set by the in-crowd and hopelessly déclassé. Mainstream queers carry a ton of baggage from having grown up in a homophobic society. And they've called the shots for twenty eight slow years.
The victim complex crowd steer us into every kind of defeat in order to feel sorry for themselves. And there's the self righteous set for whom nothing is ever good enough, and who attack even our best friends as if they were demons from hell come to swipe our last appletini.
The Community don't bother with strategy or prioritizing. In Self Righteousville, political realities always take second place to a good tantrum. They're too busy to look at a poll, except with a man attached. They foamed at the mouth when the Clintons had to back off military rights, ignored the polls showing public selfishness on marriage, and went ballistic when Bill was forced to sign DOMA. They were still foaming when Hillary needed help on healthcare, even though medical care is a hundred times more important for us than gay f--k-ing marriage. Years later, they ignored the polls showing massive support for domestic partnership, which is a huge concession by the the straight world. We should have been dancing in the streets. Instead, they threw away an easy victory and picked a fight for marriage in rube California that we had no chance of winning. Now they're flipping out because Obama has a few things on his plate besides bouquet tossing. He also could be trying to work for the best political environment before moving on our issues.
But none of that matters a smidge. The community has always prefered shooting themselves in the foots, getting frothy over minor issues, and living in a self righteous dream world where politicians are either saints or leather pigs who should follow orders in full harness. Any delay on our least issue is a savage betrayal of the Uncompromising Quest Of Perfect Equality and shall be met with an endless blast of outrage. Leaders who dodge and weave and actually get things done, like Obama and the Clintons, are fiends in polyester and golf shoes.
The evidence is conclusive. Mainstream queers are stuffed to the gills with self hatred and internalized homophobia. That's been obvious since the early eighties, when the adults among us begged The Community to rethink the F--k Everything That Moves Strategy. They ignored us, as usual, and thousands suffered. We cried, argued, and generally made more noise than Pavarotti's orgasm. All to no effect. The mainstream responded with insults, false accusations, and bizarre rationalizations from low gay culture. They called Larry Kramer every name in the book. I was yelled out of discussion groups from Stanford to UC Berkeley to San Francisco State. And thousands suffered.
Today, not one thing has changed. The big gay blogs are chock full of the same rationalizations they used to avoid taking responsibility for AIDS. A favorite stance is to blame our problems on others: on religion, the government, you name it. This crowd still don't see the difference between liberal christianity and fundamentalism. They trash our friends, from Obama and the Clintons, to Barney, Elton, and anyone else who can't solve our problems in ten minutes over brunch.
After thirty years of this, it's obvious that internalized homophobia won't be cured by talk alone. The oppression started in childhood. By the time most queens were adults, the bad wiring had been cemented into place. It won't budge, not with pliers, dynamite, a blow torch, and Sigmund Frued with a crow bar and bucket of lube. Nothing we did or said then had the least effect. And these days, educated queens have stopped even trying to reason with the mainstream.
That doesn't mean I can't have my own gay agenda. It's a queer wish list, if you will, every item of which would be delivered by a thirty something valet, buffed and rippling (my favorite adjectives), with Château Le Fleur and a stroll in the park with friends after a late brunch.
First priority: fix the parade, or Pride as it's known today. Seattle Pride in particular is a snooze fest of gigantic proportions. First come the earnest crowd, including Second Cousins of Tranny Friendly Part Time Bank Tellers, and Computer Techno Queers in slacks and white socks. The horror. Then there's the naked brigade, which is great PR for us and now at an age when they should really keep it decently covered. Leather Daddies are also just the image we want in a global broadcast. Finally, there's the rally, where the speakers' naiveté is enough to give educated queers a raging hernia.
The crowds are massive, which would be great except that they spill over into the clubs and make tea dance impossible. Try stepping to the beat in the middle of a thousand half drunk, stumbling gym bunnies, buffed and rippling, but also plastered together with sweat, barbeque sauce, vodka, and dry lube. At my age, it's really too sticky.
There's also something famously missing. Disco floats. In the golden age, in SF and NY, the parade was juicy with disco floats. They were so very extremely, covered with crepe and streamers, the latest tune-age pounding from gigmondo speakers, and with go go boys pulsating deliciously.
Now I ask. What happened to the disco float? It was the only reason even to show up. The disco float is one our very best inventions, as good as logic, democracy, and Cher all rolled into one. It should not just be brought back with a vengeance. The disco float, in my opinion, is ready to break into mainstream culture. How much tastier would the Macy's Parade be with a few disco floats? And what could be better PR for the movement? After one glance, the public would sign off on our issues faster than a greased gerbil through Camille Paglia's empty skull.
Come back, come back, my sweet disco float.
But there's no hope for a well done parade, just as my political agenda has a drag queen's chance in Tehran of passing.
Still, if I had my way, we'd go after domestic partnership. Starting in the liberal States, it'd be a quick victory. And full marriage rights at the national level would roll in like Rosanne on a gurney, lubed and naked. A frightening image.
That brings us to my real priority: AIDS. In my own private Idaho, the community would crank up the peer group pressure. Leather queens would redirect their aggression into policing everyone. Violators would be severely disciplined on the rack or given a fire hydrant enema, or both. The spokes creep's attacks on workable strategy would be shut down. We'd have monogamy with testing and condoms, serial monogamy with testing and condoms, free love with testing and condoms, positive people volunarily staying away from negative people because of their deep affection for the community, negative people making damn sure they only go with negative people, everyone throwing attitude at people who misbehave, and everyone taking care of AIDS people with grocery shopping, house cleaning, and the paying of the bills. Oh wait. We're already doing that. Bottom line: there would not be a new AIDS case on the scene for the next eighty years.
Next would be ENDA, a fully inclusive Employment Non Discrimination Act.
Then I'd mobilize to help Obama pass national healthcare. It's important for infected people, and olde folk, and people without jobs. It may fly in the face of queer ageism. But in my fantasies, I always shoot for the stars.
Next I'd ask for beefed up police protection in our communities. We should get something for the dough we've kicked in for public schools and hetero marriage benefits. And it would be great PR by showing that we can't go for coffee without a wheel barrow full of mace, whistles, pepper spray, and Arnold in full body armor and a respirator.
Next repeal don't ask don't tell.
Then start rethinking gay culture itself. I'd wave the 'wand' and presto. Queers would value character as much as looks, kindness and respect over cattiness, knowledge over brainless youth, and responsibility and community over a weekend discount on Ecstasy.
What's that you say? It'll never happen? Says you, nelly bitch whore. Now don't bother me. Keannu is at the door with flowers, chardonnay, and a gallon of lube.
The victim complex crowd steer us into every kind of defeat in order to feel sorry for themselves. And there's the self righteous set for whom nothing is ever good enough, and who attack even our best friends as if they were demons from hell come to swipe our last appletini.
The Community don't bother with strategy or prioritizing. In Self Righteousville, political realities always take second place to a good tantrum. They're too busy to look at a poll, except with a man attached. They foamed at the mouth when the Clintons had to back off military rights, ignored the polls showing public selfishness on marriage, and went ballistic when Bill was forced to sign DOMA. They were still foaming when Hillary needed help on healthcare, even though medical care is a hundred times more important for us than gay f--k-ing marriage. Years later, they ignored the polls showing massive support for domestic partnership, which is a huge concession by the the straight world. We should have been dancing in the streets. Instead, they threw away an easy victory and picked a fight for marriage in rube California that we had no chance of winning. Now they're flipping out because Obama has a few things on his plate besides bouquet tossing. He also could be trying to work for the best political environment before moving on our issues.
But none of that matters a smidge. The community has always prefered shooting themselves in the foots, getting frothy over minor issues, and living in a self righteous dream world where politicians are either saints or leather pigs who should follow orders in full harness. Any delay on our least issue is a savage betrayal of the Uncompromising Quest Of Perfect Equality and shall be met with an endless blast of outrage. Leaders who dodge and weave and actually get things done, like Obama and the Clintons, are fiends in polyester and golf shoes.
The evidence is conclusive. Mainstream queers are stuffed to the gills with self hatred and internalized homophobia. That's been obvious since the early eighties, when the adults among us begged The Community to rethink the F--k Everything That Moves Strategy. They ignored us, as usual, and thousands suffered. We cried, argued, and generally made more noise than Pavarotti's orgasm. All to no effect. The mainstream responded with insults, false accusations, and bizarre rationalizations from low gay culture. They called Larry Kramer every name in the book. I was yelled out of discussion groups from Stanford to UC Berkeley to San Francisco State. And thousands suffered.
Today, not one thing has changed. The big gay blogs are chock full of the same rationalizations they used to avoid taking responsibility for AIDS. A favorite stance is to blame our problems on others: on religion, the government, you name it. This crowd still don't see the difference between liberal christianity and fundamentalism. They trash our friends, from Obama and the Clintons, to Barney, Elton, and anyone else who can't solve our problems in ten minutes over brunch.
After thirty years of this, it's obvious that internalized homophobia won't be cured by talk alone. The oppression started in childhood. By the time most queens were adults, the bad wiring had been cemented into place. It won't budge, not with pliers, dynamite, a blow torch, and Sigmund Frued with a crow bar and bucket of lube. Nothing we did or said then had the least effect. And these days, educated queens have stopped even trying to reason with the mainstream.
That doesn't mean I can't have my own gay agenda. It's a queer wish list, if you will, every item of which would be delivered by a thirty something valet, buffed and rippling (my favorite adjectives), with Château Le Fleur and a stroll in the park with friends after a late brunch.
First priority: fix the parade, or Pride as it's known today. Seattle Pride in particular is a snooze fest of gigantic proportions. First come the earnest crowd, including Second Cousins of Tranny Friendly Part Time Bank Tellers, and Computer Techno Queers in slacks and white socks. The horror. Then there's the naked brigade, which is great PR for us and now at an age when they should really keep it decently covered. Leather Daddies are also just the image we want in a global broadcast. Finally, there's the rally, where the speakers' naiveté is enough to give educated queers a raging hernia.
The crowds are massive, which would be great except that they spill over into the clubs and make tea dance impossible. Try stepping to the beat in the middle of a thousand half drunk, stumbling gym bunnies, buffed and rippling, but also plastered together with sweat, barbeque sauce, vodka, and dry lube. At my age, it's really too sticky.
There's also something famously missing. Disco floats. In the golden age, in SF and NY, the parade was juicy with disco floats. They were so very extremely, covered with crepe and streamers, the latest tune-age pounding from gigmondo speakers, and with go go boys pulsating deliciously.
Now I ask. What happened to the disco float? It was the only reason even to show up. The disco float is one our very best inventions, as good as logic, democracy, and Cher all rolled into one. It should not just be brought back with a vengeance. The disco float, in my opinion, is ready to break into mainstream culture. How much tastier would the Macy's Parade be with a few disco floats? And what could be better PR for the movement? After one glance, the public would sign off on our issues faster than a greased gerbil through Camille Paglia's empty skull.
Come back, come back, my sweet disco float.
But there's no hope for a well done parade, just as my political agenda has a drag queen's chance in Tehran of passing.
Still, if I had my way, we'd go after domestic partnership. Starting in the liberal States, it'd be a quick victory. And full marriage rights at the national level would roll in like Rosanne on a gurney, lubed and naked. A frightening image.
That brings us to my real priority: AIDS. In my own private Idaho, the community would crank up the peer group pressure. Leather queens would redirect their aggression into policing everyone. Violators would be severely disciplined on the rack or given a fire hydrant enema, or both. The spokes creep's attacks on workable strategy would be shut down. We'd have monogamy with testing and condoms, serial monogamy with testing and condoms, free love with testing and condoms, positive people volunarily staying away from negative people because of their deep affection for the community, negative people making damn sure they only go with negative people, everyone throwing attitude at people who misbehave, and everyone taking care of AIDS people with grocery shopping, house cleaning, and the paying of the bills. Oh wait. We're already doing that. Bottom line: there would not be a new AIDS case on the scene for the next eighty years.
Next would be ENDA, a fully inclusive Employment Non Discrimination Act.
Then I'd mobilize to help Obama pass national healthcare. It's important for infected people, and olde folk, and people without jobs. It may fly in the face of queer ageism. But in my fantasies, I always shoot for the stars.
Next I'd ask for beefed up police protection in our communities. We should get something for the dough we've kicked in for public schools and hetero marriage benefits. And it would be great PR by showing that we can't go for coffee without a wheel barrow full of mace, whistles, pepper spray, and Arnold in full body armor and a respirator.
Next repeal don't ask don't tell.
Then start rethinking gay culture itself. I'd wave the 'wand' and presto. Queers would value character as much as looks, kindness and respect over cattiness, knowledge over brainless youth, and responsibility and community over a weekend discount on Ecstasy.
What's that you say? It'll never happen? Says you, nelly bitch whore. Now don't bother me. Keannu is at the door with flowers, chardonnay, and a gallon of lube.
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